Flirt Away...

Okay as silly as it may seem, I have recently realized I have no idea how to flirt?  Sure I have been out on dates, hell I was even married, but what is funny to me is that I always seem to miss cues of interest from the opposite sex.  Why is that?  How could that be?  Or is it that I’m flirting and didn’t even know I was flirting?  Sure we all know people who are unbelievable flirts and who get tons of attention from the opposite sex and whatever it is I do just is way, way more subtile than that.  So the question is - Is it better to be a full on flirt or is it okay to flirt just a little?  I have to say that it absolutely depends on the person.

I can tell you though that after spending a lifetime trying to be invisible and hiding even to myself the art of flirting somehow has escaped me or at least that is how I feel.   When someone pays attention to you and you have programed yourself to not be seen suddenly being noticed is scary, uncomfortable, feels downright ridiculous sometimes and okay a little flattering.

If the other person is looking at you, smiling at you and makes a cute comment to you  (it couldn’t possible mean he’s interested in you) so I respond without thinking and smile back ever so sweetly yup I’m flirting even if I didn’t know it.  What I have finally realized is the negative self talk and the bad body images that I have carried with me has led me to think that I actually have no clue how to flirt.  Truth is I flirt all the time and don’t even know it.  How about you?  Do you know how to flirt?  Do you know what kind of signals you are sending out and are they the right ones?  And when you get a signal back can you read them correctly?  

I think for me when you don’t see yourself as pretty or beautiful or like you have something incredible to offer and someone pays you a compliment or shows an interest in you - you don’t believe them.  You doubt yourself way too much to believe that you could be desirable to another.  Guess when you feel so bad about yourself, you put on your own protective armor when you go out and it takes someone pretty fantastic to put a dent in it.  But the question becomes how many dents before you start to believe in yourself that gee you might be attractive to the opposite sex and gee you actually might be worth making an effort for.  So for me flirting comes down to confidence in who you are and how you look and being able to portray that to the people outside your inner sanctuary.  Confidence is something that is hard to come by most days when you don’t like what you look like and when you hide from yourself and it absolutely makes sense that it would carry on into other things like finding a great man in your life.

But for me, I never realized just how much “pretending” that I had confidence and actually having confidence could make in your life and how it spills over into ever aspect of your life.  Which includes meeting new people and yes flirting and having fun with it.  So I have a new game plan and that is to pay more attention to how people respond to me and look for the verbal and non-verbal cues that someone else is sending me.  Want to play along too and just see how great of a flirt you can become?  Hee!Hee!

Till next time,

Lisa

Angels among us

Support systems are crucial to all of us.  They are a select group of special people in our lives that champion for us even when we don’t - these people are truly among life’s most amazing gifts.  I have been truly blessed in my life to have a few people who have been there with me through thick and thin, who have always somehow found a way to say the right thing at the right time, and who have truly made my life better because of them.  If it weren’t for these incredible people, I have no idea where I would be today.  I am extremely grateful that these “angels “are in my life.   And I truly hope that everyone has an angel or two in you own life who you can be honest with, who knows you at the depths of your soul, and who can lift you when you need it most.  These people can be your mom, dad, best friend, long-time friend or even a new friend that you really click with on a different level but they truly help shape the person that you are.  I also hope that you get to return the favor and be there for them when they need you the most.  

I have always believed that people come into our lives for a reason and if you feel bad about yourself you have a tendency to withdraw and hide a bit, even from ourselves sometimes.  This is no place to be.  Learned that lesson the hard way - that this is not living at all.  Not being present is robbing your friends and family of the beauty of who you are.  So why do we do that?  I have found for me that this was because of some silly and/or dumb fear that I manifested in my own head.  These fears popped up because I was feeling uncertain about myself, or about a situation, or about the people around me.  So I would shut down and cut myself off; but, then I realized that I was missing way to much of life and I was missing the joy of meeting the people who were coming into my life.  I never got to know the beauty of who they were or vice versa and I felt like I had cheated myself.  I would actually catch myself sometimes, shutting down right in front of people and I decided it was time for a major change.  Now, if you meet me I’m way more open and outgoing and even when I am still uncomfortable I still make myself be present and meet new people with a smile.  So I’d like to offer you a challenge of sorts, be bold, be present and become an angel to someone around you.  The world would be such a better place if it were filled with the amazing gifts of ourselves coming from a place of love and kindness.  Not to mention the fact that when you give an act of kindness like that I believe the universe gives that kind of kindness back to you tenfold so you really have nothing to loose and only fabulousness to gain.  Don’t you think?

Till next time,

Lisa