I'll try?

What is it about the word trying that really gets to me?  I’ll try to be better.  I’ll try to be on time.  I’ll try, I’ll try but do we ever mean it?  Why is it that when we say that word, it feels more like a cop out to me?  If I really want something or if I am really committed to something there is no I’ll try involved.  There is a heck of a lot of I’ll make it happen, I’ll rearrange this, I’ll do’s but there is never any I’ll tries that I have found myself successful at anything?  

So why is it every time I think about working out “I’ll try” is the first thing that pops into my head.  Maybe it’s because I have been injured quite a bit - some even of my own doing.  Its almost like finally get to the gym and for whatever reason once I walk in those doors whether I was there yesterday, a few days ago or even a month ago I feel this urge that I have to bust my butt to push myself harder and harder cause there is no other way.  And to be honest I’m tired.  I’m too tired to work out like that anymore.  Its not working for me.  Maybe it’s cause of all the injuries and visits to the Chiropractor that I am finally starting to feel better the last thing I really want to do is push myself and hurt myself again so “I’l try” which really means to me “I’d rather not” or “Do I have to?” certainly no where near the “I’ll do it” that I know it takes to be successful and to make exercising a more consistent part of my life every day. 

So the question then for me has become “How can I make this happen?”  “How can I find a way to workout on a consistent basis and not hurt myself or I’ll try myself to death?”  And it was like someone switched on a light bulb in my head.  It is me who has the messed up notion of what it means to workout and exercise - no one said it has to be no pain no gain.  You know maybe I have been watching too much Julian Michaels lately :0) as I hear her screaming in my head.

But something switched inside of me as I finally realized that there is more than one way to exercise. It doesn’t have to be all about pushing myself to my limits everyday.  So I opted to take a Pilates Class for the first time ever and I have to say yeah I certainly need practice but it was a welcome change to feel my muscles stretching and elongating instead of feeling so tight that they were gonna snap.  So for the first time in I can’t remember when the thought of “I can do this” is wringing in my ears.  I can workout and not have to hurt.  So now the thought of what else can I do?  What else could work for me?  What could be fun and not hurt?  

It’s crazy but the power of questions and what you say to yourself on a regular basis, truly have an impact on your life.  So when you change it up a bit, you change what you focus on.  I was too busy trying to protect myself from getting hurt that I didn’t see that I had other options.  But when I finally asked better questions the answers came to me immediately.  So then my question to you is, what better questions could you be asking yourself?  and where do you “try” in your own life?

Till next time,


Best in everyone else, worst in me!

Why is that sometimes we can’t see people for who they are-  but who we want them to be?  I have a definite problem with this and struggle with this in my own life.  I have always been the kind of person who sees the best in everyone.   I think my downfall is that I sometimes see so much more than the person does and then I get hurt or disappointed when I believe in someone more than they do.  Oprah has a tremendous quote that I really think I absolutely need to take to heart and that is “people will show you who they are, our job is to believe them”  for me I never do.  I always give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove me wrong and you know what they usually do.  And why is that?  Because I never believed what they showed me the first time around.

Its kinda crazy I have complete faith in someone else but very little in me?  Why is that?  Why is it that I can see the best in someone else but see only the worst in me?  Why can’t I look beyond myself and give myself the benefit of the doubt?  I guess the answer is because I was waiting for someone else to see my own potential.  I have been waiting my whole life for someone to notice that there is more to me than meets the eye and the truth is no one ever did; but, that was because I became really good at protecting myself.   As someone who not only didn’t like the way I looked on the outside I let it effect the way I felt about the kind of person I was on the inside, so much so that I started to really dislike all of me and no longer only parts of me.  Have you ever done that?  Ever hated the way you looked so much that you made it personal cause that is exactly what I did.  Truth is the person that it hurt the most was definitely myself.  Its hard to let someone in to love you when you hate who you are.  That other person never stands a chance, cause when you think of yourself as less than - you keep others at arms length afraid that they may learn you secret.  So of course they disappoint you but I’ve come to understand that this is your fault not theirs.  If you can’t be honest enough with yourself and who you are -  than how can you possibly be honest, truly honest with another?  In actuality your lying to someone, so the question is then who are you lying to yourself of the person/people that you love?

Being honest with yourself takes courage and strength and may be one of the hardest things you may do but it is truly a lesson we must all learn.  Where you are right now in your life?  Don’t make it better or worse just be honest with yourself and from this place you can move in a path of your own choosing.  I find it utterly ridiculous and quite disheartening that I have had so little faith in myself and have spent so much time protecting myself from people who could hurt me that I’ve missed out on some pretty incredible people as well as myself all of these years.  

So I have adopted a new plan and that is to have faith in myself, to believe in me - quiet the doubts that sometimes seem to consume my head space and also to take people as they show themselves to be.  How about you what are your plans?

Till next time,



Do you ever really have control?

You know it's funny, I have always considered myself a bit of a control freak and when I have no control over a situation, I feel like a caged animal ready to attack or to run for me there has never been much of any other option.  So I recently took a look back at the events in my life to try and figure out how I can break this pattern cause I'm exhausted and over always trying to control every little detail of my life.  Have you ever felt that way?  I finally realized that I am a self-described control freak because I'm one big ball of fear.  

When my life felt upside-down, I realized that I then tried to control as many things in my life as I possible could because I felt so out of control and unhappy with my own life.  Have you ever done that?  Have you ever tried to control everything for fear that if you didn't things would get worse?  But I finally realized that the reason I have become such a control nutcase even today is because I have lived my life in a state of fear for so long and I finally realized where that fear came from, it came from me!  

I made certain concessions, even though I knew I shouldn't in my life, I settled for less than I should have but I have always that that since I made those decisions I was in control.  Could it be possible that I was DEAD WRONG?  I think it is very possible that because I thought less of me, I settled for less than what I deserved and I was miserable - that I then scrounged around and had to control everything else around me for fear that I would give away more or settle for less than once again.  Not really addressing the main issue but merely trying to cover it up once again.  

So I took away my own trust in me, my own trust in people and tried to hide behind my shield of power and control.  You can only hide and protect yourself for so long and then eventually you realize that if you don't deal with your crap from your past, you bring it into your present and eventually your future.  And the really cool thing is when you can make the correlation, you notice what you are doing and you are able to make better and informed decisions going forward.   For me, I also realized that this isn't just about being out of control in one area in my life because that certainly flows over into my relationship that I have with myself, with my body and with food.  When your life feels out of control - what or who do you turn to?  And when you are trying to gain that control back - what do you obsess about that you then tend to try and over control or over analyze?  Just some questions ratting around in my head, isn't that what life is all about learning from your mistakes and moving forward?  I sure as heck think so.  So I'm trying a new thing, I'm giving up my self-imposed title of control freak and gonna try really, really hard to trust and to be honest and to love myself and stop trying to hide behind a false sense of bravado.

Till next time,