I happened to catch the last few minutes of an old program called Huge the other day. Its was ABC Family show that is based on a group of kids attending fat camp and learning to make better choices and how to better understand why they overeat. As a former fat kid I could certainly relate but I have to say the last few minutes of the show have stayed with me. Wil is the lead girl, (played by Nikki Blonsky) and she asks the Director, Dr. Rand (played by Gina Torres) who is now thin “So do you still hate yourself?” And the director replied “A little less now” And Wil didn’t like her answer and was like “That’s it, that’s the big secret”. It was such a great moment in the show and it parallels life so much. Sometimes as the fat kid you long to be the skinny girl but you never realize that the skinny girl may be desperately afraid that she’s not enough either and she has her own issues too.
As a big girl who is now a normal sized woman I can tell you I have the same insecurities that I did back then they are just a little less. Some days you still hate yourself, some days you like yourself a little more - that never really goes away. But the good days definitely outweigh the bad ones now. Some days you do every thing you can to avoid a mirror or getting your picture taken I think more out of habit than necessity now. And, I still have a tough time accepting compliments and have been known to look behind me because I think, “he’s not talking to me”. It is the craziest thing going from trying to hide and not being noticed to people looking up and smiling when you walk into a room. I have come to understand it requires a different kind of confidence in yourself that I certainly never had before.
We are all just people, we all have the same basic needs to be loved and it is truly unbelievable at the lengths that people go through sometimes to get love. And when you have been hurt in the past we have a tendency to put up walls and sometimes those walls become part of our appearance and our part of our identity.
It’s moving past those wall, putting the insecurities down, believing in yourself and finding an inner confidence that you never knew you had that helps you “Hate yourself a little less today” and one day you’ll be able to “Fully embrace the woman and the beauty that shines from within you”.
Till next time,