Getting off the self-sabotage merry-go-round

Why is that sometimes when things finally start to go our way - we over think things or do things that really don’t make sense to us that set us back a bit?  Is it that we don’t believe in ourselves that much that we start to sabotage our own success or is it that we think that we’re not worthy?  I think its a little of everything,  cause when you grow up being overweight and never quite feeling like you fit in or you feel like you have to constantly prove yourself - it leaves with you feeling like you just aren’t enough.  Or maybe that’s what your head tells you, I’m not sure I can differentiate.  

Feeling like you aren’t enough and that you aren’t worthy is truly an awful place to be cause once you get that set in your head, you carry that with you for years and years.  You have no idea how stupid thoughts like this can effect you but when you believe them and believe that this is who you are, you are in for a lot of hurting to come.  I can tell you from first hand experience on this one, when you believe that you are not worthy it does something to you and you begin to make choices because you think this is the best that you can do or you begin to dream smaller because you don’t believe in yourself enough to go for what you truly want.  And I am here to tell you this is NO PLACE TO BE....  Truly, if you don’t believe in yourself than no one else will.  And even if by some miracle you are lucky enough to have others around you who believe in you more than you do yourself - you won’t believe them in your heart.  Its a viscous cycle that once you start is super hard to stop but I’m here to say you can stop, you can get off the merry-go-round to no where.  It will take some work and truly the amount of work that you will have to do depends on how deep you have imprinted this in your soul.

For me it all started with a question and that “Did I deserve that?”  I may not have felt worthy but did I deserve the things that were happening to me? and around me? and in my life?  And my answer was a resounding NO, I deserved better.  So if I deserved better than obviously I had to believe that I was worthy of something - now wasn’t I?  Was I worthy of being treated kindly?  Was I worthy of being loved?  Was I a good friend?  Was I a good daughter?  Was I a good wife?  All of these answers were definitely a YES.  But for me it wasn’t until I started asking myself better questions about myself, it wasn’t until I realized that I deserved better even from myself that I was able to make several shifts and step of the merry-go-round that I was often stuck on.  It takes guts and courage to stop the madness  (which is the stream of BS running through my head) sometimes I even falter still but I catch myself falling into old patterns of thinking super negatively or trying to push things away and not deal with them at all.  You ever get like that?  Ever just want to run away from the thoughts in your head, just silence them for a while so you can think clearly?

I have actually found sometimes that if I immerse myself in a good book for a while, I can turn down the voices in my head enough to have a few coherent thoughts and then am able to ask myself some really key questions, that are my secrets to dealing with me.  

  1. What am I really freaking out about?  
  2. What can I do right now to easy some of my own anxiety?  (non-food related)
  3. What did I do that makes me feel like I don’t/do deserve this?
  4. Who can I call/email/see that will help me through this?
  5. How can I make today better for me?

I try and answer as many of these questions as I can cause they absolutely make me stop, re-evaluate and move in a more positive direction than before.  I’m definitely not saying that this is easy and I can assure you that the answer to number two is not go to the frig and start eating out of anxiety cause it is 1000% not the answer and only make you feel worse and takes you way longer to move forward from when you reach for bad food and the guilt cycle begins.  Making bad food choices is the catalysis for several of the reasons that got you here in the first place so breaking that pattern is a must.  So want to try with me - to break some of your old patterns that aren’t working for you?  It will take some time but if you stick with it, it does get easier and believing in yourself won’t be so foreign even to you!

Till next time,