Okay as silly as it may seem, I have recently realized I have no idea how to flirt? Sure I have been out on dates, hell I was even married, but what is funny to me is that I always seem to miss cues of interest from the opposite sex. Why is that? How could that be? Or is it that I’m flirting and didn’t even know I was flirting? Sure we all know people who are unbelievable flirts and who get tons of attention from the opposite sex and whatever it is I do just is way, way more subtile than that. So the question is - Is it better to be a full on flirt or is it okay to flirt just a little? I have to say that it absolutely depends on the person.
I can tell you though that after spending a lifetime trying to be invisible and hiding even to myself the art of flirting somehow has escaped me or at least that is how I feel. When someone pays attention to you and you have programed yourself to not be seen suddenly being noticed is scary, uncomfortable, feels downright ridiculous sometimes and okay a little flattering.
If the other person is looking at you, smiling at you and makes a cute comment to you (it couldn’t possible mean he’s interested in you) so I respond without thinking and smile back ever so sweetly yup I’m flirting even if I didn’t know it. What I have finally realized is the negative self talk and the bad body images that I have carried with me has led me to think that I actually have no clue how to flirt. Truth is I flirt all the time and don’t even know it. How about you? Do you know how to flirt? Do you know what kind of signals you are sending out and are they the right ones? And when you get a signal back can you read them correctly?
I think for me when you don’t see yourself as pretty or beautiful or like you have something incredible to offer and someone pays you a compliment or shows an interest in you - you don’t believe them. You doubt yourself way too much to believe that you could be desirable to another. Guess when you feel so bad about yourself, you put on your own protective armor when you go out and it takes someone pretty fantastic to put a dent in it. But the question becomes how many dents before you start to believe in yourself that gee you might be attractive to the opposite sex and gee you actually might be worth making an effort for. So for me flirting comes down to confidence in who you are and how you look and being able to portray that to the people outside your inner sanctuary. Confidence is something that is hard to come by most days when you don’t like what you look like and when you hide from yourself and it absolutely makes sense that it would carry on into other things like finding a great man in your life.
But for me, I never realized just how much “pretending” that I had confidence and actually having confidence could make in your life and how it spills over into ever aspect of your life. Which includes meeting new people and yes flirting and having fun with it. So I have a new game plan and that is to pay more attention to how people respond to me and look for the verbal and non-verbal cues that someone else is sending me. Want to play along too and just see how great of a flirt you can become? Hee!Hee!
Till next time,