As a former really big girl and someone who always made an effort to hide my body so that no one else would be as grossed out as I was by it - I have to say that I found myself dressing several sizes bigger than I was. Truth be told I even shopped in the Men’s Department anything so that no one could see me. But what happens to your own brain is that you start to think of yourself as being bigger than you really are. In addition, when you are swimming in your clothes you definitely look bigger than you really are - so my question is who are you fooling? So then what is the answer? I have to say the only answer is to find clothes that actually fit you. When you start wearing clothes that actually fit you actually begin to see yourself differently. I know that sounds basic enough but when you actually put on a blouse that fits with a pair of straighter legged pants instead of the enormous wide legged ones you will find that you may actually start to feel differently about yourself. Now I realize that doing this once is not gonna make that happen, but if you do this consistently for a week, I promise you - you will start to treat yourself differently and so will the people around you.
I have to say shopping for other people is truly one of my favorite things on earth to do but when I’m shopping for me, my brain still plays tricks on me. I still gravitate towards the larger sizes even now and some days it makes me laugh. Nothing better than holding up something or trying on something that is falling off of you and you actually send the sales person for a smaller size. The truth is before I would have NEVER asked the sales person for help cause I’d rather die than tell someone what size I was, so now I rather enjoy that little victory.
But as I looked in my closet the other day something hit me pretty hard and that was all of my blouses are still quite flowing, I have one form fitting blouse in my entire closet that I rarely pull out unless I’m really looking to impress. So the question that rang in my head was - “what if I need to impress someone more than once, then what am I gonna wear?” Everything in my closet is a different color but mostly similar in style - my Mom calls then “moo moos” and a friend of mind refers to her blouses as her “uniform” or even “schmatas” so my question to you is what does your closet look like? Is it full of a ton of schmatas? And what do you wear when you want to impress someone a second or third time?
So I decided to do something radical and that was go shopping for more form fitting clothes that actually fit me. But I have to say in the dressing room I almost chickened out cause I still went for the flowing one as opposed to the one that fit close to my body. I actually came out of the dressing room in the shirt that I thought was too tight and went to see if the shirt came in a bigger size when the sales person caught me as wanted to help me. So I told her I wanted the same shirt in the next size up and the girl looked at me like I had three heads and said “Why”? I told her it was too tight and she said “No, it fits you perfectly - wish I had your curves” Okay at this point I looked at this 19 year old girl and said “I’m sorry but what did you just say?” And as she repeated this too me, I burst out laughing cause even now when I look in the mirror I don’t see curves and beauty some days - I still see that overweight insecure girl I use to be. And of course the fact that a 19 year old liked my curves made my freaken week. So lets just say I went back in the dressing room and took the form fitting ones.
But my point is, this is a process. Some days are better than others and we all struggle sometimes. Its important that you recognize how far you have come, it’s important that you appreciate you for the size that you are today and embrace your own curves - they are what makes you, you and beautiful.
Till next time,