For far too long I was under the crazy notion that I was Wonder Woman in disguise. I’m not sure if it is a generation thing, if its a woman thing or where I adopted it, but I was under the ridiculous notion that in order to be successful in my life I had to do it all and I had to be it all to my family and myself.
Truth be told, I fell short most days and I constant felt like I couldn’t measure up to my own ideals. The problem was I had trained everyone in my life to rely on me for everything, that when I suddenly couldn’t be there for everyone it wasn’t only my world that came to a screeching halt so did everyone else’s world.
You see, I took care of everything and when I didn’t have the energy, the inkling or desire to do that everyone had to step-up in ways that they were uncomfortable with so my celiac disease became a problem for everyone else, not just me.
I honestly have no idea how I accomplished all that I did; however all I know for sure is I was always tired, always running on empty, always felt like a failure because I never finished my to-do lists, I was unhappy and truly miserable and didn’t even know it. I made no one in my life accountable for anything and I was accountable for everything. Who died and left me the Queen, I have no damn clue but that was how I lived my every day.
Having severe complications to celiac disease some days made it impossible for me to get out of bed and get my hair washed so worrying about everyone’s shit, was more than I could handle. So guess what, everyone else had to step up and become accountable for all the things that I use to carry for them and no one died. Yeah, things weren’t done the way I would have done them, but they got done and I was grateful that they did and I no longer had that burden on my shoulders that was never mine to carry in the first place.
When you are sick, it forces you to put down the pretenses and get really real with yourself and others. I no longer try to carry the load for anyone else, I have finally realized that I was doing them a dis-service they need to be accountable for their own actions and their own choices and I need to take care of myself. So i have long since said goodbye to Wonder Woman and hello to the new me, who does the best that she can every single day. And, I have to say I have also changed my own definitions of success, happiness and how I live my every day.
So my question to you is, are you still trying to be Wonder Woman? Super Girl? or another fantastic woman who has it all and falling short? Who are you being today?