Other's People's Judgment - Why Does It Hurt Us So?

style="margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; ">When someone you know or someone you don't know very well judges you it is never an easy thing. I'm never quite sure how or why other people feel the need to pass judgment on one another. Wayne Dryer has this great quote that says, "When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself" Judgment is never kind, courteous and often filled with ignorance and misinformation so why is it that we let it bother us so? Why is it that we spend so much of our lives trying to live up to or down to or defending a position or judgment that was bestowed on us by another?

And my question to you is what right did they have to judge you in the first place? Why does their opinion matter over another? Is their life so unflawed and perfect that they feel by judging you that they are trying to make you a better person or are they just trying to make themselves and their own life feel better?

Now I realize that these are some pretty tough questions but when you stop and ask them, it might surprise you the answer's you really come up with. I know it did me. Some people in my life, have often very disapproving and critical of me and I have to say trying to distance myself from them is never easy when they are important to you.

But, what I have come to realize is that you have a choice how to perceive what a person says about you. In the past, I would swallow what they told me, take it very much to heart and would use it as a weapon to beat myself up as further proof that I was not good enough, that I was not pretty enough, that I was not smart enough, that I was not skinny enough, that I was not perfect enough and on and on. I used other people's judgments of me not only as incentive to do better but as a continual pattern of abuse of myself any time I fell short of any goal in my life, realistic or not.

So then the question would be if the person who judged you harshly in the first place did they mean to hurt you to your core? Did they mean for you to use their judgment to do permanent damage to you and in such a way that you constantly feel less than you are? I think sometimes people judge others but never fully understand how deeply their words can hurt another and the long-term effects that it can have on another. I always try to believe the best in others but what I have learned about myself is that I often do not believe the best in me. As, I have held on to many untruths and judgments that were made about me many years ago.

We have all heard the saying "stick and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me" I totally disagree, I think sometimes its the names that you carry for a lifetime that scar us the most.

But, what we have to learn to do is to stop letting another's opinion of you matter so much. Only you can determine what something means to you, no one else can do that. You have that power. Everyone has an opinion and you will not be liked or loved by everyone so the key is to stop trying to please another, you can only please yourself, you can only live your life on your own terms, and you can only be the best you that you can be. Sally Field says, "It takes me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes" and I think that's a lesson we can all learn.

Lisa Marichal is an Expert Body Image Consultant, Speaker and Writer who helps women and girls realize their own potential and gifts within themselves. You can visit her at [http://healthydoover.com/articles/] to learn more.

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