Why is it sometimes so hard to accept the truth? Why is it easier to hide from the truth? Or is it that we are just hiding from ourselves? Hiding from what we want to do but are truly terrified to do just that? When is enough, enough? When do you finally say "I can't do this any more?" When do you finally step up and take responsibility for your life?
We all have moments of clarity, we all have moments in our lives that we wish things could be different and we all know that change is inevitable so why then is it so scary? Would you rather live your life going through the motions or be honest and say this is not working for me?
These are some of the questions that I too had to answer, when I realized that my life was not at all anything that I had hoped for, had dreamed of or had even wanted. I was angry all the time, snapped at everyone and was just plain miserable on an every day basis.Yet, the idea that my whole life could all change if I spoke up - took me a while to find the courage to say so even to myself. Because what if it is worse? What if I could have or should have done more? These are all the questions that run through your head; but, the question is are they really questions or are you letting your fear of the unknown hold you back and be your excuse?
Being honest with yourself is always the first step to create any kind of lasting change. Honesty is truly one of life's greatest gifts you can give to yourself. Honesty takes courage, takes faith, takes forgiveness and takes love in and of yourself.
Once you have been honest, second sit with the situation and look at it from all sides. Don't make it better and don't make it worse, just let it be. It takes practice to do this because if you are anything like me, you lived in denial for a long time so seeing the truth was uncomfortable and hurt more than I expected. It hurt because I got angry at myself for not doing this sooner. I could have saved myself so much more pain had I dealt with things instead of suppressing them years earlier.
Third step is to make some decisions. Decisions as to what you want, what you don't, what you can accept and what you will no longer. It is important to be really clear here. Be in the moment and take some time. Sometimes thinking about what you want is really hard to do when you have had to push your hopes, dreams and life to the side to just survive the day.
Next step, is to decide what is your worst case scenario. What can you not live with? I'm a firm believer in knowing my own limits or creating boundaries even for myself. This is a tricky place to be and you should not spend very much time here. I know my brain can run endless marathons of what if's and it is super easy to get stuck here so it is hugely important to not to spend much time here.
After you know what you want, where you want to go and what you will not accept, the last step is possibly the toughest thing you may ever have to do and that is say it out loud. Talking to someone and sharing your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, your heart is always scary; but, in this case you have to understand that you are going to surprise your significant other by speaking so openly. They may not be ready for this conversation, they may fight you on facing their own truths let alone yours. If you think giving them some time to work this out for themselves as well may be beneficial, by all means allow them the time to do so. But, it is extremely important to make a firm deadline to have this conversation. However, if they are living in denial as much as you, it may be necessary to just say what you need to because they will not give you another chance. No matter how you say it, it is going to hurt but once the initial hurt is gone, they have some time to digest what you have said and have had some time to come to their own conclusions, they will appreciate your honesty and your courage. And, this will help you moving forward either to fix your relationship or to shape it into a different kind of relationship.
I can tell you from experience that tomorrow does get better. That once you clear the air to yourself and with your significant other it allows you to move forward. Being honest with yourself and another is truly the greatest gift that you can ever give. Living life honestly is truly part of living your best life.
Lisa Marichal is an Expert Body Image Consultant, Speaker and Writer who helps women and girls realize their own potential and gifts within themselves. You can visit her at [http://healthydoover.com/articles/] to learn more.
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